Nothing ‘Ode To Anxiety’

Around 3 years ago anxiety took a hold on me and to date, overcoming it and trying to manage its long lasting impact on my day to day life has been one of my hardest challenges yet.

Throughout my ongoing recovery process, I found journaling to be a great source of help to me, like a shoulder to cry on that asks nothing in return.

At first I felt a bit silly, which sounds pretty strange but I would stare blankly at the page wondering what to write even though I had a million and one thoughts going around my head that I didn’t know what to do with, it was a completely unknown to me as I have never kept a diary or journal before and had little hope in the beginning that it would even make a difference. The ‘glass half empty’ me honestly thought that it would just become another task in my already never ending list of daily things to do but I am happy to openly admit that I couldn’t have been more wrong.

So to start with I just began jotting bits and pieces down throughout the day but it wasn’t long before I found having somewhere to empty my thoughts, even onto paper, became a vital part of unravelling those thoughts, and the feelings that went along with them, into some sort of order.

I guess this was really when my love of all things literature really came back into play. I would find myself at all hours throughout the day and night scribbling away and genuinely feeling a little lighter afterwards.

I found it difficult to talk about how I felt, mainly because I didn’t know the words to even begin to describe it, so writing became a coping mechanism that as you can see, I continue to use to this day.

It was during one of my pen to paper moments that I wrote the following poem, I didn’t ever think at that time that I would share it, but after speaking out about anxiety and realising the vast number of people affected, I felt it was fitting to add to a blog dedicated to the subject.

We must endure a little rain to truly appreciate a rainbow and I hope for anyone needing to see a small glimmer of light amongst the heaviness of the clouds today, then this may help, Lets start moving forward.

Nothing ‘Ode To Anxiety’

You invade my mind and won’t go away,

You disturb my nights and spoil my day,

A Constantly constant all of the time,

A solution to you I just cannot find.

If I could hold on, for just one minute,

To one racing thought and everything in it,

Maybe it might just hold the clue,

About how I can be free of you.

A battle so far I can’t seem to win,

But I think I hold the answer within,

I continue to search and it won’t be long,

Before we part company and you will be gone.

Anxiety, no matter how hard you try,

There’s no stronger opponent you can come across than I,

For you may not have anything to prove,

But me, I have everything to loose,

So hear this now, as I say with conviction,

Today is your notice of eviction.

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